Eh...

Even after almost half a year, I feel like I'd be bluffing if I said that I don't feel sad about him. I'm still missing him badly.

I've barely managed to salvage the newspaper articles and scanned them together with other things. I don't think I need to put it up on my blog yet (but if you're curious, it's hosted on the same site as the photos below).

Even thr google search brings up no information at all. Links to news articles on the internet have become expired or by one reason or another, not available. He has now faded into yesterday's news and easily forgotten by others. I know nothing at all of the trial involving the bastards. I wish to contact someone to ask about it, but I don't know who to turn to. Anyway, hope they rot in hell.

Rocket - The Ten Tenors (lyrics)

Rocket - The Ten Tenors

Remove the covers of the morning
And I don't see the new day dawning
Just can't cope

Cold shadows hide me as I go through the day
No one at all seeming to say
The feelings they long to convey
But could it be I am the one
who has lost my way?

Why can't I see my future clearly?
Is there a chance that I can break free?
Please help me

This maze has complicated day into night
Repetitive hours I see
My spirit is ready to flee
Then suddenly you come to me
and everything's alright

You've given me reason to live
You've given me reason to try
You've given me reason to stand
Don't let life pass me by
Whenever I feel hopelessness
Whenever I feel I could cry
You rocket me up to the sky
Give me wings and then I can fly

Together soaring to the sunrise
I feel the passion comes from your eyes.
And I know
Strength cast away the fear and
Faith made the soul sing clear and
Love is the music we can all hear

You've given me reason to live
You've given me reason to try
You've given me reason to stand
Don't let life pass me by
Whenever I feel hopelessness
Whenever I feel I could cry
You rocket me up to the sky
Give me wings and then I can fly

Whoa I can fly
Whoa fly away with you forever
Fly away 'til end of never
We'll fly away

You've given me reason to live
You've given me reason to try
You've given me reason to stand

Don't let life pass me by
Whenever I feel hopelessness
Whenever I feel I could cry
You Rocket me up to the sky
Give me wings and then I can fly

A very wonderful and uplifting song... Glad I only listen to the radio, Light & Easy to be precise... =P

Photos and papers...

Yep, the photos were developed and I received them yesterday, then scanned it with my ageing scanner and uploaded it to the internet... =) Click to see the larger version of the photos.



Teachers from left to right: Ms. Tan Swee Chin (Economics Basics), Mr. Lee Mok On (Science), Mrs. Anne Tan (History). Yours truly is placed in the front row, second from left. =) Don't mind the unusually tall fella, he just propped up himself on the base of Father Julian's statue.




Teachers from left to right: Mr. Harry Thombas (Physical Education), Mrs. Tay Lee Eng (English), Ms. Tock Pek Ngoh (Accountings), Ms. Fung Chui Jing (Malay), Mrs. Nor Aini Mamat (Moral Studies). You might not notice it, but it was actually raining outside, so the photo was taken in the foyer. I'm standing at the last row, second from left. My classmate tried to tickle my ear when the second time the photo was taken. I hadn't even saw that one yet! XP




This one wasn't taken recently, start of the year to be precise, but I decided to scan it anyway. This photo was used for the school's annual yearbook and 36 students were in it (with one absentee) while only 26 students were willing to be shot (7 absentees for class). The dorky one in front of Father Julian's statue would be me, I've now abandoned wearing glasses when taking pictures.

Teachers who didn't want to be photographs would be Mrs. Ooi Beng Hua (Chinese) and Ms. Tan Lee Cheng (damn Additional Maths) and Ms. Khoo Sin Dee couldn't make it due to classes.

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Writing 2 essays in Malay wasn't very hard in Malay, I just hope I didn't screw it up... =| Ran out of time for the second essay and finished the ending quickly (due to a rewrite)... The topic on the first essay was regarding the effects of video games towards children and teenagers while I chose to describe a snatch-theft incident which happened right in front of me...

Economics Basics wasn't tough either, I avoided answering the 2 questions that involve drawing graphs and explaining what you've just drawn and chose the other 3 essay questions that are available... The last question involves roughly 8 structure questions... Took pot shots at one or two 8/9 marks questions but managed to answer all questions in time... Thankfully I didn't feel drowsy or anything of those sorts during the exam... I credit the adrenaline and caffeine for that!

Smile!

Benny, the class monitor invited all of the teachers who taught the class for a group shot sometime after recess. Out of the 11 teachers who were responsible in one way or another in teaching this class, only 9 agreed to do the shot! I'm also happy that the bitch didn't want to take part, Benny shared the same sentiments but he just asked her for fairness sakes.

Will scan the photos once I get it!

Other things that happened today:
1. Had a nasty bruise on the left leg after it was struck by a flying bench. I blame Wei Chuan for moving it in a hurry... It's okay now though... =)
2. Tried out arm-wrestling with the same person for the first time since a long time, the last time I was involved in one was when I was in primary school! So it was a surprise that I could beat him using my left arm! Right arm weaker, even though I'm a right-hander... o_O (Won and draw once using left arms, lost both using right arms)

First Malay paper starts at 7:35 am... Signing off now!

Dream...

For the first time in my life, I had experienced an exam-related dream. Not particularly scary or anything, but it was enough to horrify me for one whole morning.

Think sitting at a table, a paper barely half-done and only 10 minutes remaining, to make matters worse, my mind was a total blank as I can't concentrate at all!

The most horrifying part was that I was taking the English paper.

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Streamyx connection reactivated!

I made a phone call to Telekom on Monday evening (as I'm studying in the afternoon) and I got my Streamyx connection back within 5 minutes of the call! To be frankly speaking, I wasn't expecting anyone to answer the phone. Heh, seems you need to do it out yourself for it to work.

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Two days of school left until the exams arrive. So far this school year seemed to pass by quicker than any other year. I've got a wonderful bunch of classmates to help me breeze through it. Luckily half of the class are almost certain to be together again as there are only 2 Maths classes for Form 4 and 5 students.

Anyway, taking half of the Malay paper and half of the Economics Basics paper on Friday. (Why in the world does each and every exam starts with a Malay paper?) Either way, I'm hoping for the best!

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Eh, changed my mind, taking a break from blogging seems redundant. Will continue to post regularly. =)

Notes to self:
1. Catch The Terminal and Taxi in the cinemas once exams are over. Both movies have caught my eye...
2. Trying to sleep early to prepare for taking exams in the morning. There won't be any excuses if I falter this time!

Sigh....

House invasion again... Privacy goes out of the window... Who asked me not to place the computer in the living room....

On another note, Streamyx bills paid but line isn't activated yet.

Getting priorities wrong...

That's right, I'm getting my priorities wrong and mismanaged my time. There's nothing that can be totally and utterly done unless there's a whole day on my hands. I've come close to letting this blog collect dust, but I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not doing much to this blog (except for blogging) at the moment since the exams are around the corner.

Form 4 life for me is coming to a close within a few weeks, number of schooling days left - 4, number of days before exams - 7. Except for 2 subjects, I am feeling so unprepared for this exams more than ever. The daunting questions, numbers and papers at the moment would seemed almost easy as pie once you hit the next level in Form 5. I've skipped mentioning the previous exams in my blog as it wasn't something that make kids proud if they showed the same report card to their parents.

Eh, time mismanagement. The simple answer to all of the problems that I've encountered this year. There aren't enough hours in a day, I'm living on a 48 hour schedule in a 24 hour day. Even the days without internet has left me puzzled on sorting and executing priorities. I desperately need to get that some order in my life.

I want to spend the whole day reading, reading whatever is on the internet, reading whatever books that I have, but yet I can't get myself interested in reading school-related books.

There's no excuse for this kind of behaviour, bitching about it here doesn't justify it either. I'm officially taking a break from blogging and I will be back after the exams are over.

Wish me luck!


Notes to self: (Yes, I've been reading JalanRiong for quite some time now... ;))
1. Stay off the Wikipedia website, it's addictive, just plain addictive.
2. Stay away from forums and news sites.
3. Limit online time to just checking e-mail.
4. Stay focused on target and keep it in place.

Random motivational thought: "The computer does not own you!"

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It's been a rollercoaster ride through hell trying to get that darned bill paid. Since there wasn't a copy of the bill available, we had to make a trip down to the Kedai Telekom to request a copy of it but it turns out that we can't pay bills after 4:15pm even though the sign outside says payment services ends at 4:30pm. How misleading.

Originally intended to make another trip to the same place today but thankfully, I had somehow thought to find old copies of the bill just in case of computer/database troubles but somehow it turns out that we did in fact have the bill right in our hands! Scrapped long trip to Kedai Telekom and detour to the much nearer Pos Malaysia mini-post office. Everything went smoothly, until we got there. The aunty behind the counter said that the computer wasn't able to accept TM Net codes on the bill. Tough luck.

Tomorrow (or rather today, as it's already early morning) is the last day for the bill. I shudder at the thought of being permanently disconnected from Streamyx. All of the trouble could be saved if it wasn't for my mom's distrust of internet-banking. She's somehow concerned that the bank staff would swipe everything in her band account. But this coming from a non-internet savvy person, it's understandable.

Back back BACK!

Yes I'm back and ready to go! The phone line was reconnected sometime today and I'm getting online through a dial-up connection... Well it's better than nothing I say... =P Broadband bills still haven't paid yet, deadline on Friday 22... Looking forward to the free Streamyx upgrade to 512 Kbps on November 1... =)

Fared quite okay during the period without an internet connection, which was roughly 4 days and thankfully, there ware no signs of addiction withdrawal syndromes... XD Finally figured what was wrong with accessing Yahoo! Mail through WAP, I had set my cookies to expire (at the maximum) 24 hours since I last logged in and accessing the messenger feature somehow screwed it up by not letting me sign out properly when I exited it, therefore leaving me perpetually logged out and unable to sign in. Being able to check your e-mail once every 24 hours, now that's called torture...

Okay, started reading on Jung Chang's Wild Swans, prepped up for the book by reading a bit about communist China through Encarta... Things are placed in proper perspective once you get to know more about it...

Today almost kena rotan (got caned) by the disciplinary teacher for arriving in class late, turns out that I wasn't the only one who were singled out by the bitchy teacher, who reported us to him... She even exaggerated the time of entering class by at least a whole 10 minutes! This won't make her any more likeable throughout the school, that I'm sure... =) Bad news personally brought by the butt-kissing Form 2 monitor during science class, which was a lesson before recess... He's always bad news for me... Anyway, got out of the situation after recess by explaining clearly that I'd forgotten to prepare food for recess at the last minute, putting my bet on "can't concentrate on a hungry stomach"... After that I actually lost appetite during recess knowing that you're at the receiving end of 3 strokes...

No worries about it actually, the police station is just a stone's throw away from the school... Nice knowing that there were actually cases where students reported canings by teachers to the police, read about one such incident in The Star sometime ago... It happened in Malacca, the punishment was less severe that what was usually happening right here in this school but regardless he was reported... I'm taking a page out of this fella... =) I'm also sure that the disciplinary teacher knows that we, the Form 4 students tend to be more aware of our rights, including the ability to (a) lodge police reports and (b) request parent to punch said teacher... (Well, actually it's an ability, not a right exactly... The latter incident happened 2 years ago, too bad he punched the wrong teacher... He turned up in class with a black eye and lacking glasses...)

I'm going vegetarian for 9 days straight for the festival... Already in day 2 and staying strong... It ends exactly next week... Not particularly excited about the thought of eating meat after this through, I've found several places that make excellent mock fish and meat, believe it or not! Refreshing change...

Finally finished playing Homeworld, it's been almost 3 years since I first played that game... Extremely eager to get my hands on Homeworld 2... =) Btw, am considering on buying a webcam this weekend, TGIF baby! XD

Censorship sucks... As with the case of censors personnel at the censorship board, I'd advise them to step back a couple of feet and admire at their horrible masterpieces consisting of storyline stripping and the inability to swallow jokes... Examples would be Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx and David Letterman's show... I really admire Singapore's open-mindedness on issues such as discussions on sex, here the censorship board even censors out the word "sex"... This is just unbelievable... -__-

Received tri-weekly dose of propaganda in Moral Studies class, it's right up to the point of glurgy when you read a textbook that keeps praising your own country on its "freedom of speech" and "freedom of religion" and heck, even on the ISA... The whole book is laden with POVs and propaganda... Enuff said... I'm all for scrapping Moral Studies if the Education Ministry ever decides to do so...

I think that's enough ranting now, I think the absence of blogging for 4 days really unleashed a torrent of thoughts and rants... =P Wrapping up now...

The first thing my Moral Studies teacher said when she entered the class was "hari ini saya berpuasa, tak makan apa-apa, nanti saya hendak makan orang..." That drew some chuckes from the class... That reminds me...

Selamat Berbuka Puasa to those who are fasting in the month of Ramadan!

Am now blogging...

Am now blogging from another internet cafe at Prangin Mall...

Trainee teacher treated about 10 student of my class to a steamboat meal... Damn stuffed...

Just got back from watching Korean horror flick , Face at the cinema in Gurney Plaza, together with the teacher and 4 other classmates... It was a surprisingly good movie actually... =) Stuffed myself again with popcorn and soft drink... It was already at least 7 or 8 years since I stepped into a cinema, so that was another first for me... XD Yeah yeah, I don't get around much, I know...

Played Homeworld to entertain my internet-less self last night... Never realised that it was so fun, partly because it didn't make my computer lag too... XD

Will be going soon... My 1 hour is almost up...

Broadband disconnected...

Shit.

Tried to log onto the internet last night but found that the username and/or password may have become invalid. Now blogging from an internet cafe near my school. Braved the cold rain and strong winds just to check my e-mails and post messages... Heh... Could've used my handphone to do the same thing but somehow either the GPRS wouldn't work or the browser cookie wasn't functioning, adding the agony to the pain...

I'm expecting hoping praying that I'll be able to get onto the intenet at home once the bills have been paid... Erk... paying bills... @_@ Things will get better soon, I believe... A bit of staying away from the internet couldn't really bother me much, could it? [Said from a person who has gotten online every single day since he got broadband roughly 11 months ago, barring any unexpected circumstances like going for a holiday or the monitor getting busted....]

Started reading several novels which had gathered dust for the past months year... More time available for me since there's no connection.... = Strangely I found that my CR-ROM drive had busted... again... Everything seems to go wrong recently... Maybe it's a sign that says I should cut down on the internet time... Hope I won't suffer from addiction withdrawl like the previous time 2 years ago... XD

Anyway, off to Pranging Mall and Tanjung Bungah with my classmates tomorrow to visit a friend... Will be scrambling to squeeze every minute available to get onto the internet... XD

Btw, think this is my 100th post on this blog... Hurray! =)

Trouble brewing...

Didn't really knew that the neighbourhood isn't that a nice of a place. Glad I'm living on an apartment, far far away from where the action is going on...

Those pubs shouldn't be that close to the apartment block... Sometime around 1am just now, there were signs of an arguement outside of the pub but it soon spilled out of control for a moment there... Roughly a dozen people in cars and motorcycles were argueing intensely in the small lane right outside the balcony... They were yelling and cussing until 2 people emerged from the other direction wielding parangs, just like in those Hong Kong gang fights as seen on TV, and prompted to hack at the windshield of a Kelisa... The car then swerved and tried to run down the attacker but he was pulled back by another person... It was over... Just like that... That seemed so unreal though... Never expected to see something like that happen right in front of my eyes... o_O

Nothing much happened outside the pub though... Same yelling and cursing involving a dozen people but with another dozen watching...

Off to bed now... Signing off! =)

Just watched the news...

Just watched the news just now... NTV7 reported that Red the lurcher has been wreaking havoc for quite some time at the Battersea Dogs Home by releasing himself and a couple of his friends from their cages in search for a nightly meal...

BBC, the Independent and the Telegraph has already covered it, pics of the great escape can be found here... =)

I am...

I am currently grining ear to ear... =)

Just received hosting from iFreeBee after 50 posts and there's no school for tomorrow... They said they lacked classrooms for the PMR exams and so the Form 1 students got a day off on Tuesday, Form 2 students today and us Form 4 students tomorrow! =)

For once, the Form 4 students was greeted by an almost empty canteen/cafeteria at recess. We got the whole place to ourselves! XD

Made plans to make another trip to Tanjung Bungah on Sunday, trainee teacher (who taught her last lesson today) wanted to give us a treat at Prangin Mall, will then proceed to the beach later and visit a classmate's house near there. Hopefully it won't turn out to be like the previous trip.

Snapped photos with classmates and trainee teacher in class, I took about 6-7 shots on her camera. Hope to scan and paste 'em here on this blog once the film gets developed.

Walked half way to class when I realised that I left my bottle of water at the stationary shop outside the school. -_- Luckily this was before school had started and there were no prifects guarding the main gate... Oh right... No school for Form 2 students today... -_-

Random thought: It's pretty hard to focus in class when your brain keeps getting stuck in the gutter. Damn hormones. I haven't even whined about the zits (which popped out recently) yet....

Anyway, off to dinner... =)

Angry

Last night was sort of a realisation for me, I no longer felt disappointed by the group for dumping me after 4 years. Now I'm angry, angry at those who didn't speak out, angry at those who didn't ask, angry at those who didn't bother at all, angry at those who pretended that nothing had happened.

What? Since I'm no longer a member of the committee anymore, why should I spare my time selecting players when I'm just an ordinary member! If I were still important to you guys I wouldn't have been dropped from the list completely! Fuck you for asking such a question.

What? You're now the new chairman of the group! If you had treated me as a friend, and valued my participation in the group for 4 whole years, you should've mentioned something to the previous chairman about the committee list! You now have the power! Instead of using it, you kept your mouth shut. Fuck you for doing so.

What? I promoted you up to the committee through my honest suggestions, the same way another committee member promoted me through his suggestions when I was young. Now that my wings have been clipped, you pretend that nothing has happened and kept quiet. Fuck you, unless you've already had your mouth sewn shut.

It's not as if both of you knew me for just a week or so, this was 4 whole years! So don't give me the "I don't know how to say this" crap explanation and passing the buck. Both of you were in it. You knew that this wasn't the correct thing to do, and yet you still did it.

Fuck you for having your head in your arse, just because I don't know how to kiss your butt leaves in a precarious position. I'm glad that I tore up the photo of you I took last year and threw it into the garbage bin.

From an assistant secretary about to be promoted to assistant chairman, this was even posted on the notice board at the start of the year, it's July and without any hints or clues, you've left me without a post, not even the lowest one for the Form 2 members, left me in shock, and then proceed to bash me on my performance in guarding the batch of afternoon class members. If this isn't a clear signal on how much I'm welcomed there, I don't know what is.

I've been shocked, surprised and hurt deeply by what you all have done. I've never back-stabbed anyone, I've never hurt anyone, I've never stolen anyone's money. What did I deserve to get this?

I'm washing off my hands on all 5 of you. Don't ever approach me asking for assistance again. It's clear that I'm unwanted here. Don't expect me to represent the school in next year's tournament. If I do so, don't expect me to sit down and have a friendly chat with the team members about strategy and tactics. Expect me to play my game and leave the venue immediately once it ends.

You all never noticed that this is becoming more and more like an elitist group. Members playing just for leisure are being set aside as the "power-hungry" committee members wield their iron fist at them, and you ignored it.

The whole group is about to collapse, you all just hadn't realise it yet. Yearly membership has dropped from 236 members in 2002 to 163 in 2003. Playing chess isn't that carefree anymore, why in the world is there a disciplinary division for the group in the first place? This never existed back then!

The future certainly looks bleak. I'm sure of that.

It's pretty ironic that I was handed a post from another group on my first day there 2 months after I got booted by this group. Although it's smaller than the group which dumped me, they have shown that they are a friendly bunch and in need of each other to keep the group alive. I'm glad that I'm appreciated, I appreciate them for what they are. I'm just glad that I found them, I just am glad.

[Added on October 6]:
P.S. I won't pull a long (or black) face if I'm talking to a person who is completely unrelated to the source of the anger problem.

P.P.S. And if I do, I won't do it for the whole day.

P.P.P.S. The internet is one of the ways for me to get relaxed, so if you see me online, be assured that I won't keep the same pisssy face... ;)

P.P.P.P.S. I'm happy at feeling anger, it doesn't help to go around moping and feeling depressed. Sadness shouldn't be used unless you're missing someone, imho. Anyway, no more Mr. Nice Guy ever again! Hahaha!